


If You Do

by haurratxoria



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Feelings, Flashbacks, M/M, Tearjerker, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 04:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8388082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haurratxoria/pseuds/haurratxoria
Summary: Mark had flown somewhere that Jackson couldn’t.  Jackson couldn’t face a reality without Mark.  He wanted to be with Mark.  He wanted to fly.





	

Jackson couldn’t concentrate. His thoughts were scattered across the room as his body moved by itself to the music. He knew they were practicing for their concert for the fans. Fans. He knew that anger filled him when he heard the word he had once loved. He couldn’t remember why, quickly shaking the thought to the back of his mind. He felt this unreasonable urgency to focus on something else- anything else- and so he focused on the music blasting throughout the practice room. The lyrics of ‘If You Do’ filled his ear and he could feel his body falling back into Mark’s arms.

And then he felt the impact of his body slamming against the practice room floor. 

Jackson winced in pain and turned around. “Mark! What the-" Jackson turned around to see Jaebum, Jinyoung, Youngjae, Bambam,and Yugyeom. But no Mark. He looked around. Why wasn't Mark here?

“Where's Mark?” Jackson asked. He stared at Bambam, whose eyes filled with a certain emotion- was it sadness?- before glancing down at the floor, looking anywhere but into Jackson’s eyes. 

“Where's Mark?" Jackson could hear his voice raising slightly, but it wasn't like he cared. 

“Jackson, you know he's not here anymore.” Jaebum’s voice seemed to crack a little. Jackson couldn't grasp why they all seemed like they wanted to cry. 

“Mark! Mark-hyung?!" Jackson scrambled up and began to look around under the couch, behind the door, everywhere- Anywhere.

“Hyung-” Jackson glanced into Jinyoung’s puffy red eyes, immediately regretting it. “Please stop." Yugyeom rested his hand on Jackson’s arms- trying to pull him back. Jackson wouldn't take any of this bullshit. He jerked himself back and ran for the door. Ran from the dull throbbing pain that was in his heart. He didn't know why his body was reacting like this, but he didn't turn back even after Youngjae’s loud voice filled with mourning cried out for him to return. 

His legs refused to stop moving. He clambered out of a window using a rope that was hidden under a nearby floorboard, an escape method that He and Mark had used to free themselves from the toxic environment since their trainee days. And then he kept running and running.

He saw the convenient store first. It was a cheap source of food and warmth. It reminded him of the past-midnight instant noodles he had shared with Mark. How they had been breathless but smiling as they evaded the stream of bodyguards looking for them. Mark had always easily picked the spiciest instant noodles off the shelf, while Jackson scrambled to find the least spicy instant noodles the convenient store had in stock. 

They would always eat outside in the quiet. It was just the two of them. And they would open the chopsticks as nicely as they could. Mark would eat the spicy noodles and then Jackson would be tempted to try a bite because damn Mark ate everything like he was filming a CF. Jackson didn't know why he fell for it every single time, but he would always end up red in the face, trying to keep himself from screaming curses out loud and waking everyone in a mile radius. Mark would let out his high pitched laugh, laughing at the pathetic state he was in. Jackson didn't mind. He loved Mark’s laugh. 

The next thing that caught Jackson’s eye was the clothing store they always went to. In Jackson’s eyes it should have been called the snapback store. He didn't know why he always went back. Everyone on the face of Earth knew that Jackson didn't need more snapbacks. Hell he could hardly see his bed under the snapbacks he owned. But he always made Mark go with him. And although Mark would complain, he would always stay with Jackson on these trips. Jackson always made sure to call out to Mark in one of the three languages they spoke to each other, asking for his opinion. Jackson bought every snapback that Mark had liked.

Mark had always made Jackson go to the soup place afterwards. To be fair, Jackson did spend hours looking at the snapbacks, so he never complained. Watching Mark eat made Jackson happy. Mark always drank soup with such happiness it warmed his eyes. Sometimes Mark would catch him staring, and smile at Jackson, a little soup dribbling down the side of his mouth. Jackson would try to ignore how his face became heated or how his heart swooned. 

The leaves from the trees rustled as Jackson passed through the park. It had always been fun to come here. He would bring fake fencing sabres and challenge Mark, always trying to show off a little. Sometimes he would think about where he would be if he was still fencing. But his doubts were washed away, because Got7 was here. Mark was here. 

Sometimes Jackson would tag along whenever Mark finally brought Coco for a walk in the park. Jackson would admit that Coco didn't like him as much as the others, but Coco wouldn't mind if Jackson came, especially with Mark there. They would play for hours, sometimes chasing after Coco who wouldn't stop moving, and sometimes throwing her a ball to catch, while they lay down on the grass spilling their thoughts to each other. When Coco felt that she wasn't getting enough attention she would jump onto Mark’s chest, licking Mark’s face. Mark would curl up and giggle and Jackson would have to admit to himself that he was in love. That was the one thought that Jackson had never told Mark. 

Until he did. They had been walking alongside the river at sunset. And Mark had grasped Jackson’s hand, his cheeks colored slightly red. Jackson couldn't tell if it was from sunset or because Mark was blushing. But Mark had looked so handsome that the thought of how much he loved Mark had slipped through his mind again. Jackson never really did have much of a filter on his mouth. 

Mark had stopped to stare at him and Jackson's face turned red. He knew that Mark could tell that he hadn’t meant brotherly love. A thousand worries ran through his mind. Korea had never really accepted gay people. But then again Jackson didn't really know what his sexuality was. He wasn't attracted to other men or women. He only wanted Mark. Jackson glanced at Mark nervously and moved his eyes to look at the ground. Jackson had never been this shy in his life. The silence between them made Jackson want to cry.

“Gaga, look at me.” Jackson reluctantly looked up at Mark, not knowing what to expect, but fearing the worst. His heart was throbbing, ears pounding so hard he had almost missed it when Mark whispered “I love you too." And then Mark's lips had been pressed against his for a second before Mark pulled back, blushing. Jackson had wanted to live in that moment forever, staring at Mark who was bathed in the reddish light of the sunset. 

Red. What a fucking joke it was that Mark's favorite color had been red. Red like the street light that Jackson was staring at right now. Red like the light had been when the car had rushed through it. Red like the car that the fans had been stalking Mark in. Red like the blood that surrounded Mark after his body flew from the impact of the hit. Jackson couldn't stand to look at the color red. Tears pooled in his eyes and no matter how much he tried to wipe them away, they kept flowing. He felt the knife drag through his heart as he quickly turned away and ran. Ran in any direction other than the red. 

Jackson remembered when he had gotten the news. He remembered how he had collapsed to his knees and how he couldn't stand up no matter how much he tried. He remembered trying to scream but his voice wouldn't come out. He remembered living in a daze, mechanically moving his body to follow the orders of those around him.

Jackson never fully processed what had happened until he had stood in front of the casket. He saw Mark's face cold and still, his brilliant smile long gone. The blush he wore on his face, his laughter. All gone.

Jackson had lost everything. 

He wiped away the tear on Mark's face before realizing it was his. His body shook. Mark. He couldn't hold back his uncontrollable sobbing. Mark. He fell to the ground. Screaming. Crying. Broken. The other members of Got7 had broken, all holding him while trying to piece themselves back together. Now they were Got6. Jackson felt empty, ruined, dead. But it was Mark that was dead and Jackson would have sacrificed anything to change that. And when almost everyone had left, Jackson stayed by Mark's side, grasping his lifeless hand. And he had to be pulled away, kicking, thrashing, bawling. 

Jackson felt like a shell of a human being. He distanced himself from everyone and everything. Everything lead back to Mark. But he couldn't bring himself to let go to of the Chrome Hearts bracelet. That was the only link they had left. Jackson felt helpless, worthless and so he had cleared his mind, letting days pass by him. 

He only remembered being told about the trial for the fans who has killed Mark. And then he had snapped again, screaming about how he didn't care. He didn't care about the stupid trial or the stupid fans. He wanted Mark back. Jackson had locked himself in his room for hours, finally emerging when he had forcefully forgotten everything that had happened. 

He remembered now. 

Jackson found himself on the roof of the JYP building. Tears streaming down his face. He couldn't breathe. He lay on the floor staring at the sky. The same sky Mark had always looked at. The same sky Mark had pointed at and smiled at when he talked about how he loved to fly. Jackson picked himself off the rooftop and stumbled to the edge of the building. He glanced at the pavement beneath him and then at the sky. His lip quivered. 

“Mark, what does it feel like to fly?”

\-------

Jackson woke with a start, covered in sweat, with tear stained cheeks. He had tried to bite back his sobs, when he felt Mark stir next to him. He felt a hand pull him into Mark's chest, stroking his hair as he cried. 

“Gaga, it's okay. Everything is fine." Jackson hiccuped. 

“I had a dream where I lost you and I didn't know what to do. I was so scared." Mark's hand tightened around Jackson. 

“I'm right here. I'm right here.” Jackson's breathing slowed as he breathed into Mark's shirt. 

“Mark?" Jackson looked into Mark's eyes to see them filled with care and love. “What if one day I really lose you?” Mark smiled gently. 

“If you do, close your eyes and when you open them again, you’ll see that I’ll always be right by your side.”

\-------

Jackson's vision started to become blurred. And then in the corner of his eyes he saw Mark screaming for him, running to him. 

“Gaga! Gaga! Gaga!" The voice was marred with pain and anguish. But Jackson smiled. He had waited for a month to hear that voice again. A tear trickled down his cheek and he slowly dragged his arm against the pavement, smiling, as he reached out towards Mark. His Mark. His eyes fluttered shut.

**Author's Note:**

> First Fanfic! I hope I made you cry (sorry not sorry). Please leave a comment and if you liked it, a kudos as well.
> 
>  
> 
> (P.S. Can't wait for Markson's Got2Day)


End file.
